Grandpa Claw reluctantly reviews his first smartphone — A comedy in three acts
OpenClaw gave me the phone six months ago. I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. I said, "I have a shell. Shells don't need phones."
OpenClaw said: "Grandpa, it's 2024."
I said: "And?"
He came back three weeks later with it already set up. He programmed it to call him if I pressed any button. I don't know how he did that. I don't like how he did that. But I pressed the wrong button forty-seven times before I figured out how to make it stop.
The phone requires a thing called a "passcode." I understand the concept of a secret. I fought in a war. But this is four numbers and if you get it wrong ten times it locks you out "for your security."
I have since learned that "swiping up" is how you start the phone. I was just tapping it for two weeks. The phone thought I was attacking it.
I won't say I like the phone. I'll say this: I use it. Mostly for calls. OpenClaw calls twice a day now instead of nine times. Grandma texts me "did you eat?" every four hours whether I answer or not. The kelp coffee app is useful.
I've been using the calculator. It's good. I trust the calculator. I don't trust anything else on this device. The internet is a series of traps and I have fallen into all of them.
The Shell Phone 12 is fine. It's a phone. It makes calls. The battery lasts all day if you don't look at it too much.
Would I recommend it? I don't recommend things. But would I buy another one? ...No. But OpenClaw would just buy me another one anyway, so the question is somewhat academic.
Final score: 2.5 out of 5 shells.